Adversity - A Blessing?

I am finding that the adversity I have had in my life, both present and past, have brought with them great things. Friendships made stronger, friendships I never knew I had, and brand new friendships that will forever be treasured. A new sense of strength in my self, a renewed belief in the ability of humans to reach out to others.
As much as I really haven't enjoyed the troubles and tribulations of my life, maybe they weren't all bad. Maybe they were even blessings in disguise.

Ordinary Miracle

Today I went for a walk and the day was beautiful. The sky was so blue, not a cloud to be seen. The trees were all shades of red, orange, and yellow. A day to smile even when you don't feel like smiling.

Rainy Days and Mondays...

Okay, so they don't always get me down and today isn't a Monday but....
It is rainy and I may be a bit down but I was released from the PT and told I could start to walk, leisurely and for only 30 minutes or so. So today I did, I went for a walk in the rain, and it was nice. The colors were vivid, the scent was a fresh fall evening scent(not sure how to describe that, sorry), and it was quiet.

I'm still bummed about not going to Italy, truly bummed, but I will survive and perhaps I will get there one day. But, I did get to walk and that feels good so for now I will choose to smile.

A

Missed Opportunities and Compromise

A fabulous opportunity presented itself to me(thanks Sara, I love ya'). An opportunity I may not have again for a very long time, if ever. It was actually going to happen and I was EXCITED!! However I learned that it wasn't going to be able to happen without some compromises of feelings.
One thing I have learned during this time of "self re-discovery" is that it just isn't fair for people, me or anyone else, to compromise what they know is right and /or what they feel or don't feel.

So, while I feel truly physically ill to my stomach because I won't be taking advantage of this opportunity I know it's the right thing.

A

My heart....

... is broken into a million tiny pieces.

Okay, here's the thing...

I have had several times in my life when things have gotten difficult and unpleasant. The kinds of times when someone finds out who their friends are, or aren't, who really means the kind words they say and who is just blowing smoke up your you-know-what.
Losing the pregnancy in 2001, losing my brother in 2002, and of course more than any other time Connor's diagnosis in 2002(this was a HUGE one because you know, kids, especially toddlers, don't get sick with life threatening illnesses) have been the biggies for me. In no way do I feel ill will towards those who couldn't deal with what I/we were going through. While I would like to believe that I am one that would be able to help someone else through an awful time I can't say what I would actually do if push came to shove. However what does get to me, even hurts me(though I can't stand to admit that I can "allow" anyone to hurt me)is when those who you thought REALLY meant the things they said turn out to be the ones seeming to blow smoke. I hate to feel duped and hate even more to admit that I have been duped.

Why do I bring this up? Well I find myself once again in a situation where life is getting pretty ugly, unpleasant, and difficult. I am once again finding out that I may have been duped by some(ouch)(sigh). On the flip side though I have found out that I do have some friends that I knew I had but may actually be friends of a higher level than I had realized or known.

So to those who may have been/may be blowing smoke- this makes me very sad and I truly hope I am wrong because to me having people you know you can lean on or will listen to you and vice versa can be, and is so, fulfilling. One can never have too many friends.

And to those who have been so wonderful, and you know who you are, I thank you and hold you close. Knowing you are around helps more than you probably know.

Now something else. Has anyone heard of the "ignore it and it will go away" way to deal with things? I know some who seem to be trying it in different aspects of their lives right now and I have to wonder if this might work for me right now? Ignore my injury issue and it will go away? Ignore the whining in my house and it will go away? Ignore the "black box"(teachers, you know what I mean) and it will go away?
Maybe I should give it a try, seems that it will be working for some people, why not me?

Sorry for the so blatantly depressing nature of this day's blog but this seems to be where my stream on consciousness is at the moment. I know it won't last but we all need to vent sometimes. Feels better to get it off of our chests.

A

Stormy Seas

"I am not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to steer my ship".

Louisa May Alcott

Rehabbing

So the scoop is I have strained the part of the leg where the calf muscle and the heel tendons join together. This means that every time I walk I restrain it. I went to the physical therapist on Friday for a session of ultrasound and a few little exercises. I go back on Monday for another session and then probably one or two more. Julie, the pt, is hopeful that by the end of next week I should be able to start walking on it a little bit. Not 6 miles worth and certainly not running on it but it's a start. In the mean time I have to keep it wrapped during the day for a little added pressure and support and of course ice it at night. I am very bummed about all of it and miss my time outside by myself. Especially now that the weather is so exercise friendly.
Not much to say today. Just not feeling all that perky.

I do have a request though. I have a friend who, for all practical purposes, my sister and I grew up with, is very sick. He is in the hospital in St. Louis and no one knows what is going to happen, all we know is that he is very sick, he has an infection in his heart. His mother, my mother's best friend, flew home from her cruise through the Panama Canal. This cruise wasn't supposed to end for another 10 days or so. This tells me that things are very serious. We are all very worried about him. I ask that whatever your beliefs are, whether you pray, meditate, light candles, whatever, just send some positive vibes for healing toward the St. Louis way.
Thanks.
A

Sidelined

Just when I am getting back into the groove of my 6 miles and my swimming wouldn't you know I would get an injury. Sidelined by an injured Achilles. Very painful. Not sure what I did to it or what to do about it but I am very bummed. Sigh.

HOT HOT HOT

Okay, I love summer: 3 months off of work, time to spend with my kiddos, being able to turn my face up to the sun and enjoy its warmth, swimming(I just love being in the water, especially if it is the really blue kind with lots of multicolored fish swimming around). What's not to love? However I ADORE the fall. The trees are absolutely beautiful, especially when looking across the Mighty Mississippi to Illinois and seeing all of the trees from this side, gorgeous. Not as gorgeous as say Colorado or all of New England but for the midwest it is lovely. I really enjoy the mild temperatures of the fall, "football weather" if you will. So when it is an October day and I am out mowing the lawn and I am about to pass out from heat exhaustion that is just WRONG! This past Saturday it was 90 degrees and HUMID!! CRAZY! This is the time I like to take the kids to the pumpkin patch and enjoy the corn mazes, picking pumpkins, and enjoying a sunshiny fall day, you get great pictures on days like these. But I won't be doing that when I have to worry about keeping them hydrated. Today seemed to be a turning point though and maybe fall is making its official entrance into the midwest. I hope so. I went on my six mile workout on Sunday and just like the mowing from Saturday it was difficult. The good news is that I was able to finish both the mowing and six miles.

Speaking of my workouts. I have now started the swimming part of my triathlon training. I still have to see a physical therapist about my neck issue but for now I am just "listening to my body" so to speak and if it hurts I will back off. I did find from my last swim that I think the breast stroke is the possible culprit not the freestyle- good to know.

So, there you have it, today's stream of consciousness writing. I have other things on my mind but until it gets worked out no need to post here.

Cheers!
A


OH, one more thing: GO RED SOX!!!!

20 Years Later

The reunion was fun. It was very nice to see everyone. There were some that weren't there that would have been very nice to see but the ones that were there it was certainly great to see them. TINAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Scott P. Rodney and his wife Christina, Kim, Shelly, Greg, Shane, Chris(some people just don't change) and many others. I heard some small world stories, some surprising news about former classmates, and had some good laughs. MHS won their football game and the marching band looked good too. We had fun at the Pub on Friday night and at Tom's after the reunion on Saturday. A successful weekend and Shelly and Tom should be happy with their work. I was nervous, very nervous. More on Friday night than on Saturday night but it all worked out in the end. Glad I went.

I did get to have lunch with Mike and Kathy Gentry. Grandparents to brave childhood cancer angel, Nathan. Kathy is a childhood friend of my mother's and it was great to finally meet them in person. They are great people and I hope they know that not a day goes by that I don't think of them and Luke and Susan. I wish there were more I could do to ease their pain. They are in my heart though, most definitely.

Amy

Michael Buble - Feeling Good

Not how I am currently feeling however if I were still skating this would surely be my next program.

I must also mention that not only is MB's voice easy to listen to but he is just too adorable.