Okay, here's the thing...

I have had several times in my life when things have gotten difficult and unpleasant. The kinds of times when someone finds out who their friends are, or aren't, who really means the kind words they say and who is just blowing smoke up your you-know-what.
Losing the pregnancy in 2001, losing my brother in 2002, and of course more than any other time Connor's diagnosis in 2002(this was a HUGE one because you know, kids, especially toddlers, don't get sick with life threatening illnesses) have been the biggies for me. In no way do I feel ill will towards those who couldn't deal with what I/we were going through. While I would like to believe that I am one that would be able to help someone else through an awful time I can't say what I would actually do if push came to shove. However what does get to me, even hurts me(though I can't stand to admit that I can "allow" anyone to hurt me)is when those who you thought REALLY meant the things they said turn out to be the ones seeming to blow smoke. I hate to feel duped and hate even more to admit that I have been duped.

Why do I bring this up? Well I find myself once again in a situation where life is getting pretty ugly, unpleasant, and difficult. I am once again finding out that I may have been duped by some(ouch)(sigh). On the flip side though I have found out that I do have some friends that I knew I had but may actually be friends of a higher level than I had realized or known.

So to those who may have been/may be blowing smoke- this makes me very sad and I truly hope I am wrong because to me having people you know you can lean on or will listen to you and vice versa can be, and is so, fulfilling. One can never have too many friends.

And to those who have been so wonderful, and you know who you are, I thank you and hold you close. Knowing you are around helps more than you probably know.

Now something else. Has anyone heard of the "ignore it and it will go away" way to deal with things? I know some who seem to be trying it in different aspects of their lives right now and I have to wonder if this might work for me right now? Ignore my injury issue and it will go away? Ignore the whining in my house and it will go away? Ignore the "black box"(teachers, you know what I mean) and it will go away?
Maybe I should give it a try, seems that it will be working for some people, why not me?

Sorry for the so blatantly depressing nature of this day's blog but this seems to be where my stream on consciousness is at the moment. I know it won't last but we all need to vent sometimes. Feels better to get it off of our chests.

A