There are days when I feel like my strength to deal with whatever life is throwing at me(and there is usually something being thrown)is dwindling. Today isn't necessarily one of those days but I did have one on Sunday. I also know there will be others in the future. I have several ways I deal with the feeling of dwindling strength; think of how many people love and care for me and want only the best for me(and there are many). I think of what chaos is going on in our world and know that while I may have a tough situation there are others who are having a tougher time. And of course I think of my warrior son Connor. He had to fight the fight for his life and he didn't even know it. The strength he showed through it all was nothing short of amazing. I decided to put in the beginning of his fight journal entry. These were the days that started 3 1/2 years of the most strength I have ever seen in a human being. My hope is that maybe knowing how one 2 year old can fight the fight for his life will help one of you fight whatever fight you may have going on in your life. I copied this from Connor's Caringbridge journal. I posted it in 2005 but the events actually took place March 7-10, 2002.
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Three years ago yesterday Connor was running a low grade fever. It wasn't even high enough to keep him out of daycare. I wasn't alarmed nor was Rex. He had been battling RSV and asthma since January. The temp wasn't very high and it kept going away on its own. We went about our usual routine deciding that IF the temp got to 101 we would take him to the doctor. We put him to bed that night as usual. Read him a story, kissed and hugged him, covered him up, said good night-we loved him, and shut the door.
The next day I got a call from the daycare provider that his temp was up to 101. I went to get him and made an appointment for him for the next day, as per the decision from the day before. I took him home and noticed that he really was A LOT sicker than he had been the day before. Still, we weren't too alarmed. RSV probably again, maybe pneumonia. We had been down this same path many times, we knew the drill.
So, Friday came and I took him to the doctor. We were sent home with an antibiotic and a recheck appt for the following week. Saturday I took him back to the doctor to get a cough medicine so he could sleep through the night.
Saturday night I put him to bed thinking how thankful I was that it was March and warmer weather would be coming so we can get passed all of the upper respiratory issues he has in the winter. I was completely unaware that my life was less than 24 hours away from being forever changed. My life of being blissfully ignorant about sick kids was about to come to a screeching halt.
Sunday, March 10 I walked from the University Hospitals and Clinics parking garage into the hospital. Little did I know that I would never again walk outside with the words childhood cancer having nothing to do with me. My son was about to become 1 in 330 for the year 2002.
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